competition

This topic is oddly appropriate. A number of circumstances have led to the beginning of this semester being busier than any one in memory, with perhaps the exception being the semester I had my son. What competes for my time and energy? Trainees, Clients, Students, Prep time, Consultation, Husband Time, Baby Time, Housework, Laundry, Friend time...I think it's easy to get caught in feeling as though nothing is done to the fullest extend and everything is left lacking. In some ways, I often feel like the hubbub of those expectations is the background noise to whatever I am doing at the moment. Like attempting to read a textbook while there is a party happening in the room. Being the personality style that I am, I manage these responsibilities by trying to keep each discrete in their timeframe. I don't do class or client work when my son is awake. I do friend time only when I have put energy into my marriage. I try to remember that sometimes good enough is good enough despite my wishes for perfection. When I don't do that well, my stress from one bleeds into another and I find myself distracted in the present moment. While listening to trainees, I'm thinking about class material or worrying about grading.

I'm alright Jack keep your hands off my stack...

If you don't get the above reference, sadly you are missing a classic rock iconic song. Google it...anyway, the subject this week has been one I've put off writing about. This is very interpretable for me since my experiences in the realm of money fall easily within the idea of "do what I say and not what I do" for anyone I might step in to teach.

The messages I learned in childhood were almost all unspoken, modeled attitudes, emotions and behaviors related to money and its use. Certainly, on the positive end, I learned that money is not everything to be happy and that people are more important than money. I also learned generosity, to the church and others. If I have little, I might still have some to give.

However, largely I also learned that money is something to cause stress or to be feared. Never enough to cover what you want and sometimes the worry was that there was not enough to cover needs. I feared asking for things when I was little because my parents were so scared about their finances. Everyone avoided Dad when he did the bills because he would become so stressed and angry. My Mom would hide bills from my Dad and tell me as a child not to tell Dad about certain purchases. Healthy, right? So my response even in my adulthood has been the same, ostrich approach. Bury my head in the sand and hope for the best while ignoring the outgoing expendatures. Actually, this is in the process of changing.

Children will do that to you I suppose. I do not want my son to be fearful of money or to rack up debt because he cannot follow a budget (all mistakes made by his mother). So I have resolved that if ever I am fearful of looking at my bank balance, I do. If the news is bad, I need to know it. If the news is good, I need to know that too. I have resolved to work to be less reluctant to talk about budgeting with my husband and to do that work together. But I also want to keep the good things. I think money is not actually everything and is not worth more than my relationships or helping others. However, it does not have to be one or the other. Very little is. I have also resolved to teach principles of money management to him at a young age by my word and deed.